the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
