I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
