never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
