in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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