someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
