Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
