Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
