just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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