She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
