we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
