That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
