He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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