She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
