Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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