I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Couch. On fire.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
