I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
