Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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