i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
