someone get that fucking seahorse.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He passed out mid-signature
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
