Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
