Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
