I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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