Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
