she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
