Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
