why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
