Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
