Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
