weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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