oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
