So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
