She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
