I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
