I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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