just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
