Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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