11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
