where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
