i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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