Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
