True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im calling her cock vulture from now on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
