porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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