So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
