Screwed.edu
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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