Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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