I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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