This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
