He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
