Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
