things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
