; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
