You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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