She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
