Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
