So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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