I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
