Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
