hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
