Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dick has a subreddit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
