I wannas sexs uuuuu
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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