I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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