We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
