in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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