The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
