Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
