i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
