I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
