Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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