Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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