Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
