I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need to calm my uterus...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How naked do you want me to be?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
