Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
