Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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