3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
