Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
