Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When did angry sex become our thing?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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