I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
