so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
