I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
