why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
