My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
