I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
