You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
