I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
